I’ve written four drafts of the same post and it’s still not fit to publish. I want to write about five year plans and how monthly intentions are better than monthly goals and how challenges work well for Rebels. I’ve created images for several different pieces, and then failed to write the posts to accompany them.
Maybe it’s because I’ve been so busy with literary events or academic projects, but I feel like I’ve been neglecting this space recently. I’m writing this now as a note to say, “I haven’t gone away.” I’m just switching gears. On a recent update of dreams for my life, I added “Find a way to marry my academic work, creative work, and personal finance writing.” I’m trying to force some cohesion, I think, instead of letting it naturally take shape.
I could tell you about the 30 day writing challenge I’m going to do next month. I could tell you about the work I need to do on the house (buy a dehumidifier, reconfigure some vents in the attic, lay a vapor barrier in the crawlspace.) I could tell you about how I’m spending way too much on convenience food (like stuffed grape leaves from the anti-pasta bar, which I’ve had for dinner every night for the last two weeks.)
I could also tell you about the brief foray into an exercise my friend told me about. We had to look at areas of our lives and what was holding us back. We had to list fears. It was terrifying and reminded me of the “hidden commitments” that one coach talks about. I could write a post on hidden commitments.
Maybe I will. But for now, it’s all “in process.” I’m processing. Consider this a process post.
I’ve done this before. I remember when I was trying to write my post for The Road to Financial Wellness this past summer. I wrote two posts before it that were obviously drafts where I was honing my central idea. I’m doing it again. There’s going to be something in this post that makes everything click. I just have to write this post to make it happen.
One thing I definitely want to write about is my Rebel tendency a la Gretchen Rubin’s The Four Tendencies. I heard her on a podcast and when she was describing a rebel I thought, “That sounds like me.” I took the quiz and the results confirmed it. I’m a Rebel. The new awareness has informed my life a lot lately. I am actively looking for strategies to help me use my tendency to my advantage. I’ve got a lot to say about the strategies that seem to work for Rebels.
But I’m not ready to say it in a post just yet.
I would say I’m running low on blogging inspiration, but I’m not sure that’s 100% true. I’ve got a lot I want to share. But my attention is split right now across my academic duties, essays I want to complete, and blog posts that I want to develop. For a year, the blog monopolized my attention. It was a lifeline when I needed one.
But one of the best things about paying off the student loan debt is that I now feel free to focus on creative endeavors that do not have an immediate monetary value. I’m focused on work that adds to my body of work and not my bottom line.
I still haven’t figured out which direction I’m taking this blog. I’m sure it has something to do with pursuing your dreams on your own terms. You need money to fund your dreams. Dreaming is a form of planning.
You get the drift.
I’m working through it. I’m making progress. Eventually, you will see the five year plan post. You will see the Rebel tendency post. You will see a post about revamping my food budget. I will tell you more about the 30 day writing challenge. And, I do believe that intentions are more powerful than goals, even if it is just a mind trick to change the wording.
Oh, and I will be sharing pics from my train trip to NYC to see the original Jane Eyre manuscript. I’m so excited about it I can barely stand it. And that’s worth sharing.
So, it’s not probably not exactly inspiration I’m running low on. I’m running low on attention. On focus. On the ability to switch focus from one thing to the next. My blog focus is low. I’m busy filling the well.
Once the well is full, I’ll have lots to tell you.